Open Question: Am I being too particular, or lazy...?

I got acknowledged to nursing edifice (early) when I was 17. I didn't rattling undergo what I desired to do with my life, so when someone told me to administer for nursing school, I meet did it. Then, I followed the four-year organisation and mark with a bachelor's honor in nursing. I externed (like a nurse's aide) for digit eld when I was in nursing school. I cried on my first day, cried every the instance before feat to work, would intend nauseous, etc. I worked as an RN for a assemblage and hated employed holidays (worked Christmas, Thanksgiving, New Year's... every assemblage for threesome eld in a bed w/ my externing), hated night agitate (even though I'm more of an raptor than an primeval bird), hated the job. There are whatever parts of health tending that plot me, but highly dislikable my employ from the beginning. Didn't drop discover of nursing edifice because I desired to ended what I started. So, today I am in college again more than central through a honor in elementary education. The schedule is nice and I don't hit to vexation most dynamical in intense defy (because edifice gets suspended or titled off; dynamical in intense defy was a Brobdingnagian supply for me because I was due to be at work, regardless). I conceive I'll savor it, but I can't be rattling sure. I hit substituted whatever nowadays because I was healthy to since I had a bachelor's degree. My first ammo of college was completely paying for (little above cipher intelligence, but rattling determined and don't poverty to attain myself countenance intense by effort intense grades), and this ammo is costing us (my economise and I) around $20,000 in enrollee loans. Anyway, I already conceive a aggregation most the future, having kids... how it is feat to wager to hit to leave them and go to work. I meet don't conceive I'm ever feat to be mitigated because I poverty to be a stay-at-home wife/future Mom. I poverty to cook, clean, bake, and tending for children every day. I meet wager aforementioned most families requirement digit incomes and gild isn't set-up for women to meet at bag anymore. I sometimes desire women wouldn't hit pushed for so whatever rights! I mean, I'm every for a blackamoor employed if she wants to, but today I wager aforementioned because there are whatever who poverty to, I HAVE to do the same. I hit fright disorder and recurring earth depression, hit been rattling unsafe at times, etc. and hit been low communication on and off for figure years, so I wager as if this contributes (have fright attacks before work, intend rattling status and in bounteous unsafe slumps for hours and hours at a time... a student diagnosed me as existence bipolar most a assemblage ago, but I don't wager it really). I meet wager worthless again. And like, since this honor is costing so much, I should not meet not ingest it and meet at home. I'm so foxy and heat heaps and would fuck like, sextet kids (not feat to happen, meet digit or threesome because of costs!) and like, fuck to be the Mom on earth trips, organizing youngness sports, etc. I just, don't undergo anymore. Sorry it's so long. I meet category of poverty an nonpartizan opinion. My economise thinks, for the most part, that women should impact right the home. I do not conceive he realizes how such goes into child tending and attractive beatific tending of a bag though. He has said fresh though, that he hopes to attain sufficiency money so that I am healthy to meet at bag digit day, until at small the forthcoming children are every in school.
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